Monday, March 07, 2005

Let Satanism Come Naturally Dear Children

A motley-crue of metal-headed young Norwegians stand in front of an old dilapidated church. A dead chicken lies in front of them.

"No you can't just kill the chicken, you have to eat it," says the scrawniest of the lot. "We make a little fire in the back of the church, cook it and eat it."

"You have to eat it raw, you shit-head," says the biggest of the group. His shirt, ballooning out in front from the fat beneath, reads RAW-CORE DEATH HUNGER.

A third opinion opines: "No, you cook it from the flames of the church, eat it and then throw that shit that comes from the chicken meal into the burning church. It totally says you should do that in one of the lost chapters of the Satanic Bible."

"Hey, shit for brains, how is that chicken going to digest before the fire goes out ?"

The group bursts out into shouts and accusations, when suddenly the Devil appears in long hair, sandles and a tie-died tie over a white t-shirt and torn jeans.

"Hey, hey, hey. How are you guys going to get anything done with these attitudes. Satanism isn't about rules, or doing something the "proper" way or even throwing your own feces into the fire of a burning church. It's about having a great time with some good friends. You dig ? Now don't you guys have a church to burn down or what ?!"

The five metal-heads stare in disbelief at the sight of their satanic savior. They start to cry.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will also try drawing something for this story - it's a tie between Going to the Jew and this one. Elizabeth Zvonar

9:25 AM  

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