Friday, April 22, 2005


In his quest for the perfect drug, the king summoned all of the lands' pharmacists, chemists, apothecaries and shady looking teenagers together at the Blue Castle. The day was marked with much pomp and circumstance and glory. Even the roosters in the farms surrounding the castle were dressed in golden trousers to befit the historical import of the day.

"The days ahead shall go down within the annals of this realm as the period within which the greatest bliss imaginable was bestowed upon the personage of his royal highness." The king spoke from his throne beneath a banner with the words "drugs" in giant, black sprawling script. "But first some entertainment." He clapped his hands three times.

Five cheerleaders from the local high school raced out into the center of the great hall to jump up and down and swirl their pony-tails in every direction possible. They widened the eyes of everyone in the assembly with their whirlwind of high-pitched joy. When they stopped their heaving cheerleader chests lined up to read "drugs."

The great hall filled with applause which after several minutes was quelled by the appearance of a page: "Our royal majesty calls upon the three chemists from the North-Eastern Forests. The three chemists may now approach the throne."

Three men in black capes shuffled up towards the throne and tried to negotiate their way past the cheerleaders who still stood in the middle of the great hall as they had not yet been offically dismissed. While several of the teenagers at the back of the hall chuckled out loud, the muddle of bodies in movement displeased the king. At the command of his scepter five pages raced up to the cheerleaders to swiftly escort them out. The chemists shuffled their final steps to the throne.

"You may now speak in the presence of his royal majesty !!" a page intoned.

"Your majesty. We have spent a year's time in perfecting a drug perfectly suited to your royal physiology."

One of the chemists held out his hand to reveal a red and white capsule.

"This goodly small vessel contains a dozen tiny orbs packed with ingredients from all over your realm. We have shaped these orbs into small likenesses of your royal face in honour of you."

The king smiled.

The other chemist stepped forward: "By letting this vessel sail down into the cavernous river of your blessed gorge, you shall-"

At this display of overly ornate oration the king shouted out: "In plain talk sir !!"

The chemist bowed his head in apologetic reverence. He started again much more slowly: "If your majesty ingests this capsule your goodly frame will be filled with the most excellent bliss. This heavenly happiness will last from sunrise to sunset."

"And what is it you call this drug."

The chemists spoke in unison the name of the king.

"I shall be pleased to ingest this drug fothwith and see what blissful effects it has upon me."

And that was the beginning of the end of the king's reign. Twenty years later the king, a shadow of himself, would be trying to exchange the last golden trousers (made on that fateful day for the roosters) for a tiny orb of his face. Teenagers on the steet laughed at him.

There were no cheerleaders cheering him on.


Anonymous kevin spenst said...

Special thanks to Eugene Smith at everydaysketch for the inspiration behind today's story. (Follow the link in the story to see for yourself.)

10:53 PM  

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