VAUDEVILLIAN MEMORIES OF VILLAINY AND MY FATHER

"First things first, you're gonna want to limber up the ol' digits, the ol' one to fives, the counters, the keepers, the coverers of the peepers, the flesh-colored mitts, the four crotched ladies, the five necked headless beasts, the gropers.." He stared in wonder at my clueless expression. "Your hands."

"Oh, yeah my hands." I stared back. "So what about them ?"

He sighed. "They are your most important tools. They hawk the goods. While they're razzling and dazzling potential buyers the rest of you should just sit back and enjoy the show. Somebody comes up to look around at the merchandise and you win them over with some flourishes of your fingers. This knife is nothing without a little..." He waved his hands around like wands to bestow value on the large hunting knife.

"Dad, are you sure we're allowed to sell knives ?"

"We can sell whatever we want. It's a yard sale. It's a free country."

"And prescription drugs ?"

"Okay, here's the deal. You can do anything you want at a tidy looking yard sale. It ain't exactly a heat score, if you know what I'm saying."

"No I don't." I looked up at him through my close to baby blues.

"Police don't care what goes on at a yard sale."

"So you mean we shouldn't be selling this stuff."

"What are you a lawyer ?! No, there is no problem selling what we are selling and on top of that police don't even care what we are selling in the first place. Look I gotta run, but I'll be back in an hour and I really hope to God that you'll have sold some of this shit."

"Does Mom really want us to get rid of all her jewelry ?"

"You will not sell this stuff - with your magical hands - if your head is full of questions. Look I'll take you on a trip to Disneyland at the end of today if you do your Dad proud. I promise."

"But I have school tomorrow."

"Doesn't matter. If you do good, we're out of here."

And that's when I remember us taking a bow to a laughing crowd of thirty or so people.

I think.