The Man who Wanted to Crawl into Julia Robert's Smile and Sleep Forever

The phone was ringing with a shrillness that drilled into my head, while someone was pounding on the door like they were tenderizing meat with a mallet on a vertical plane. Why would anyone want to beat the shit out of a steak on my door, I thought to myself, before I realized that this was just an image that flittered through my mind. I kicked myself for letting mental imagery get the better of me and then the ringing and pounding crashed right in again.

I'm not well.

I can snap at any moment as I have a very "porous membrain" that can't keep the outer world from seeping into the inner world and vica versa. I once played one of those ten-stressful-things-are-happening-at-the-same-time-and-what-would-you-do-first games which so freaked me out that an ambulance had to be called in. All of my quik dials on my phone are set to 9-1-1. It could happen anytime.

They keep pounding on that poor door and the phone keeps ringing. Could they be the same people ? Maybe they're on their cells. Maybe they're dialed my number and they're pounding on the door right now with their cell phones. They're smashing their cells to smithereens on my door. For what ?!

In moments of stress, I imagine that I'm only a couple of inches tall and that I'm next to Julia Roberts' sleeping face. I curl up into her mouth, like it's a great big red hammock. That's the only thing that keeps me grounded. That dream.