Tuesday, July 26, 2005

"Decapitated Daydreams" is some qwik-lit to read while taking a pee or opening a bag of potato chips. Today's story is based on an image by Mark Frauenfelder.


Bert Stanstein made a small fortune creating all sorts of off-kilter toys over a total span of three decades. The secret to his monetary success was that he single-handedly designed all 756 games, puzzles, dolls, stuffed toys, action figures and flavours of glue that came out of his company, TOYOTOYOTOYO.

"Bert what do you... ahh how do you... ahh you know what's the thing that.... I mean how do all those ideas come to you ?" asked Pierre Parlem, famed reported for "Inarticulacy Today Magazine". Bert's wife herself suffered a stutter so he was sympathetic to the cause of the magazine.

They sat across from one another in the south wing of Mr Stanstein's 32 million dollar mansion. Sun poured in on the rather obese Mr Stanstein as he puffed away at a Cuban cigar, mulling over the wording of his response.

"Cruelty. It's simple. I mean we put up these ads with little robotic armed kids holding hands with Sue the Tooth or Gee-Whiz I Don't Have a Body Giraffe, but the root of all this is suffering. When I saw the Godfather and there was the scene with the decapitated horse I almost pooped my pants. I knew that I could have a whole line of animals without bodies. You zoom onto stuff like that and you'll strike it rich. I've based most of my toys on Scarface, the Godfather, Raging Bull.. You know those kinds of movies."

Bert Stanstein knew that he only had a couple months to live and he truly wanted to leave with an uproarious bang.


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