He tells me that his girlfriend is obsessed with this photo of a county fair pig and she requested that I write something from its porky p.o.v. And as I'm always aiming to please, here goes nothing.
SOMEDAY YOU WILL FEAST ON ME
Through an amazing feat of hypnotic telepathy, Earl the Pig saved his skin by implanting clever ideas into an unsuspecting crowd of county fair gawkers.
"Just get a load of this here piggy, ladies and gents. His fame will be feasted upon by hundreds. An army could ride high on this hog and have enough for seconds," Earl's owner shouted out with spittles of spit.
Upon snapping some pics of the pig, a young woman in the crowd suddenly thought it would be a great idea to put a photo of the pig in the classifieds beneath a near pornographic paragraph of desire. The woman blushed at the words which suddenly paraded through her mind:
Yeah just get a load of all this flesh. Oh yeah, you like me ? Oh yeah, I'm touching myself with my manure coated hooves. You like that ? Ohhhh, I can't wait for you to sink your teeth into my pink body.
In spite of herself, she knew what had to be done. She would put these words beneath the photo of this poor pig everywhere she could.
And the world would lose its appetite for Earl the Pig.