Tuesday, March 22, 2005

seasonal sex changes

Sam tossed his sweat-soaked t-shirt into the laundry hamper, while Leanne continued lecturing him on the finer points of domestic living.

"See, there's a perfect example of just making more work for yourself," she said, pointing her slightly bent finger at the sweaty shirt draped over the hamper. "That shirt will get buried beneath more clothes and it will... fester and believe me it's hard to wash "fester" out."

Sam listened while mentally tossing coins over whether or not he should confess everything to Leanne. They'd been living together through better and worse for two years but Sam had kept a part of himself secret through all of this.

"And I don't mean this in a bad way but if you weren't such a... slob, you'd find things a lot faster," she said and took a swig from her glass of red wine.

Sam felt heat rising to his cheeks "Well... and I don't mean this in a bad way but I weren't living with such a bitch, I'm sure I wouldn't be racing out of here all the time."

For the first time in what felt like forever he stopped dead in his tracks in the middle of their living room.

"I'm going to see Doctor Thales about gender reassignment surgery." And it was out.

"When ?" she said with red wine on her teeth.

"As soon as possible."

"Well I've got an appointment to see the good Doctor tomorrow morning about something myself."

"Tell someone who cares," Sam said, making several steps to leave the room.

"You see I'm getting a sex change too."

Sam stopped dead once again.

"Yeah, I'm going to become a man for the winter. When spring rolls around I will go back to being a woman. I just feel more male in the winter and more female in the summer. This is something I've always kept hidden from you. I know it all sounds crazy but I've been researching this for the last couple of months and they've made incredible advances in this field of surgery and it can be done no problemo. I belong to a group on the internet of others who share my seasonally gendered orientation." She put her empty glass on the coffee table. "I'm sorry it hasn't been fair to you to keep this hidden. I just sent emails to everyone we know announcing my decision. "

"Congradulations," Sam said with a forced smile, thinking to himself: always one step ahead, always one fucking step ahead.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lily Swain will illustrate this so there.

11:48 AM  
Anonymous Lily Swain said...

Yah! So there!

5:40 PM  

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