Saturday, March 19, 2005

Enjoy that crap while you can, heaven's gonna get pretty goddamn boring

My grandfather complained in spittles and shouts of the complaints of others. Usually this vehemence centered around movies.

“You’re never happy with movies are you ? You complain about the directing or the acting or the story or the boom dipping into the goddamn frame. So what !! They spend millions on that garbage for you but you’re still not happy !!”

He sometimes held his Bible tightly between his barnacled knuckles while he preached about the cinema in the afterlife.

“The Good Book tells us that we will be in a state of perfection for eternity. You are going to heaven someday to watch movies that will be made with the equivalent of billions of earthly dollars and they will be perfect !! You will have to watch them for eternity. You know how long eternity is ? It’s a hell of a lot longer than the Titanic, I’ll tell ya.”

My brothers and I suppressed giggles and listened politely through these rants as politeness to seniors had been seared into our imaginations. Having worked at a crematorium his whole life, our father always reminded us of the miserable conclusion to most people’s lives and how we had to show some respect for those who were close to the “finishing flames”.

“In heaven you will watch a movie starring Jackie Chan, Errol Flynn and Adam Sandler directed by Sergei Eisenstein. You will see that kind of stuff. At first you’ll think, holy shit this is amazing but after an eternity of perfectly amazing movies you will – mark my words – you will get bored and you’ll dream of the imperfect movies from your earthly lives.”

After he passed away, the house was a quieter place, but we missed his theological take on world cinema.


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