"LUMPY SPLATTERINGS" is a tremendously special fast fiction based on this gorgeously grotesque piece by Gregory Jacobson. What I love about this piece in particular is its unique balance of the works of Giuseppe Arcimboldo - who made faces out of fruits and flowers in the 1600's - with a contemporary distaste for macaroni.
So put your Bibles away for a couple minutes and enjoy...
"Oh my eyes, they are for Jesus, oh my eyes they are for Jesus, oh my eyes they are for Jesus, no looking back, no looking back," Lucy skips and sings with a basket of Bibles which she tosses one by one onto the doorsteps of sinners. "Extra, extra the good news is here !!" she shouts after a successfully tossed Bible. If the Bible makes a splashy land in a dog bowl or smashes a window, she doesn't make a holy peep.
But between houses she sings to her heart's and soul's content: "Oh my nostrils, they are for Jesus, oh my nostrils they are for Jesus, oh my nostrils they are for Jesus, no sniffing back, no sniffing back," she hollers to the heavens.
"Hey Bible thumper !! Keep that religious claptrap to yourself or I'll show you a real thumping," Cindy Oppenheimer, Lucy's least favorite friend from school, shouts out in derision as specks of macaroni flick out from her mouth. She loves to eat macaroni in the lucid light of the sunset because the yellow comes alive and keeps her company in her miserable isolation. Lucy is the only girl at school that deigns to speak to the big, fat, ugly and stupid Cindy Oppenheimer.
"Hello friend how are you ?" Lucy squeaks in the intonation of youth; her words rise and fall like a roller-coaster of giddy fun. She calls everyone outside of church friend. At church she calls everyone brother or sister. In her sleep she calls everyone Lucy. "Would you like me to teach you the lyrics of my song ?" she smiles evangelically. "Oh my brains they are for Jesus, oh my brains they are for Jesus -"
"Shut up or I'll rearrange your face. You're singing is crappy," Cindy Oppenheimer shouts and for the first time in her life Jesus, up in his heavens, totally agrees with her. And so it was that at that moment Jesus smote Lucy with a blow from the heavens that literally rearranged her face.
Cindy, witnessing the mysteriously sudden carnage right in front of her, screamed, dropped her macaroni and ran off in no particular direction.
And to add insult to injury - or perhaps in this case injury to insult- Jesus framed the poor little girl for the murder.
Oh my keys on my keyboard, they are for Jesus, Oh my keys on my keyboard, they are for Jesus, oh my keys on my keyboard, they are for Jesus, no deleting words, no deleting words.
Amen.
So put your Bibles away for a couple minutes and enjoy...
LUMPY SPLATTERINGS
"Oh my eyes, they are for Jesus, oh my eyes they are for Jesus, oh my eyes they are for Jesus, no looking back, no looking back," Lucy skips and sings with a basket of Bibles which she tosses one by one onto the doorsteps of sinners. "Extra, extra the good news is here !!" she shouts after a successfully tossed Bible. If the Bible makes a splashy land in a dog bowl or smashes a window, she doesn't make a holy peep.
But between houses she sings to her heart's and soul's content: "Oh my nostrils, they are for Jesus, oh my nostrils they are for Jesus, oh my nostrils they are for Jesus, no sniffing back, no sniffing back," she hollers to the heavens.
"Hey Bible thumper !! Keep that religious claptrap to yourself or I'll show you a real thumping," Cindy Oppenheimer, Lucy's least favorite friend from school, shouts out in derision as specks of macaroni flick out from her mouth. She loves to eat macaroni in the lucid light of the sunset because the yellow comes alive and keeps her company in her miserable isolation. Lucy is the only girl at school that deigns to speak to the big, fat, ugly and stupid Cindy Oppenheimer.
"Hello friend how are you ?" Lucy squeaks in the intonation of youth; her words rise and fall like a roller-coaster of giddy fun. She calls everyone outside of church friend. At church she calls everyone brother or sister. In her sleep she calls everyone Lucy. "Would you like me to teach you the lyrics of my song ?" she smiles evangelically. "Oh my brains they are for Jesus, oh my brains they are for Jesus -"
"Shut up or I'll rearrange your face. You're singing is crappy," Cindy Oppenheimer shouts and for the first time in her life Jesus, up in his heavens, totally agrees with her. And so it was that at that moment Jesus smote Lucy with a blow from the heavens that literally rearranged her face.
Cindy, witnessing the mysteriously sudden carnage right in front of her, screamed, dropped her macaroni and ran off in no particular direction.
And to add insult to injury - or perhaps in this case injury to insult- Jesus framed the poor little girl for the murder.
Oh my keys on my keyboard, they are for Jesus, Oh my keys on my keyboard, they are for Jesus, oh my keys on my keyboard, they are for Jesus, no deleting words, no deleting words.
Amen.
posted by kevin spenst at 8:06 AM
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