But please do not send me naked pictures of you and your rugby team celebrating summer solstice. That's just weird.
John was having difficulties bonding with his new wife Sarah's unruly daughter. The two women had lived together without the presence of any men in their lives for ten years. As a high school guidance counsellor John recognized the high wire balancing act he needed to perform between a sensitivity towards their powerfully cemented relationship and his own need to be a special part of Sarah and Elizabeth's lives.
John stood in front of the full length mirror, practicing his speech for the upcoming grade 12 graduation ceremony. "You are about to embark upon a future of great uncertainty. Increasing fear, hatred and violence might mar your dreams but it's important that you look on the bright side. Are you going to mope around the house all day staring at the stump of your used to be limb that you sawed off to get out of the forest or will you choose to join the military and use whatever intelligence you have to protect this great nation ? Put another way: will you be the hero in the story of your life ?"
Elizabeth hurried through the living room.
"Hey there. Where are you off to ? Are you going to see the new Batman movie ? Batman Begins, what a great title. I hear that it's a very deep look into the pyche of our masked hero. I'm actually considering taking my grad 12 psychology class to go see it. You could see me in action with all my students. You can see who's the bigger hero Batman or me !! I know you're a little older than my students but would you like to come with ? !" he asked with a puppy-dog look of hope on his face.
That's when Elizabeth let him have it: "I'm out every night on the streets trying to fight crime on my very own. I stalk flashers and the filth of this city. I try to find all the weirdos that are running around the streets. And when I find them, I let them see for themselves with these mirrors that are perfectly aligned with my chakras what walking poles of perversion they are." She opened her trenchcoat to reveal nothing but underwear and a string of mirrors.
That's when John started reconsidering the wisdom of getting to know his new daughter-in-law.