Sunday, July 03, 2005

"THE MAN WITH TWO HEADS BRINGS UP THE SUBJECT OF A SEX CHANGE" is a short-short story that won't win any Pulitzer Prizes or anything but hopefully it will win your heart.



On one of the silent televisions, hockey players zip around the ice for control of a puck that is barely visible on the screen. On the other equally silent television, insouciant models dressed in glittery rags stroll the catwalk.

The man with two heads sits on his beige chesterfield with headphones buzzing away like mosquitos. Larry, the left head, holds a remote in their right hand while Rick, the right head, holds a remote in their left hand. (Their parents wanted them to grow up with a sense of humour and decided from the get go that their names would be a good place to start.)

"Rick, I think we should talk," Larry says in a loud voice, taking off his headphones with their right hand.

"Huh ?" Rick says, distracted by the interference of the arm.

"I don't think I can live like this anymore."

"Okay we'll get you a bigger t.v.," Rick says, taking off his headphones but maintaining a watchful eye on two players locked in a "hockey hug", steadying each other with their left hands while punching each other with their right fists. These fights always remind Rick of his childhood.

"No, no. I'm not talking about that. I don't think I can live another day... as a man. It's just not who I am !!" Larry starts to cry.

"Hey that's cool. I mean it's hard right. We've had it hard," Rick responds while keeping his eyes glued to the fight and his heart stuck on memories of the past.

"I know. I just can't wake up and face myself in the mirror. I'm living a lie. This is not what I am. This is not who I am."

"You can say that again." Rick continues to watch the television.

"And for all those reasons I was wondering if you would agree with... an operation. It would be a huge sacrifice I know but I would take care of everything. I know a doctor who would be willing to do it. We'd go in and he would be very sensitive and we'd come out a new... person." Larry's eyes widen with hope.

"Sure whatever you need to be happy," Rick replies, eyes watching the fighters spin in their slow rage.

"Thank you so much, this is the happiest day of my life !" Larry laughs.

Rick has money riding on this hockey game and hopes to hell the Leafs pull ahead. This is his major concern right now.

They put their headphones back on and resume their separate universes.


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