Saturday, September 10, 2005

"MY PIRATE POWERS ARE UNSTOPPABLE" is a tiny little tale that exposes what's beneath the eyepatch of a pirate.

Argh !

Today's visual inspiration comes from the very talented Rebecca Chaperon, whose exceptionally literate website does such a great job of grounding whimsy in intelligence that you are left believing she does have a collection of robots that do her every bidding.
Myself & My Associate copy


A pirate's work is never done.

Everyday I wake up early squirly. Even before the man who calls himself my new and improved dad is in the shower trumpetting out the gunk from his nose, I'm working on the treasure maps and plans for the day. After I've poured over the maps long enough so that if they were to fall into enemy hands I would have them memorized, I slip them into the belly of my co-pirate: Natsuki.

Then, after he's gone to work, we eat breakfast in silence because I don't want my mom figuring out what my plans are. She's always so curious. Too curious.

After breakfast I roll Natsuki to school. He's a robot on wheels. I only speak to him in Japanese.

"Tokomate yono sabe. Matta ne," I say to him. I don't know what these words mean but I'm thinking of what I mean and I just say these words. He understands me. That's how smart he is.

The Japanese are the most polite people in the world and they know more about robots than anyone else. I knew Natsuki would make a great co-pirate because even though he's from that kind of world he's rude and wild. If you are rude and wild in Japan then you are extra good at being rude and wild because you have millions of polite people to rebel against. You get a lot of practice offending people.

I know a lot about Japan because my old and outdated dad wanted me to grow up to be the smartest girl in the world, so we had a homestay student live with us. He wanted me exposed to another culture. Midori was quiet and didn't really expose me to anything except a cold once or twice. But when Midori wasn't looking I went through her belongings. I also started reading about Japan in one of the zillions of books my old and outdated dad bought for me.

A pirate must know about everything. I learned that lesson after my mom left my old and outdated dad because he was doing things she didn't know about. Right under her nose.

With Midori. She was too polite to say anything.

"Kakatome sate wa Midori conobe," I say to my co-pirate Natsuki. He understands. Then he smashes himself into a mailbox to be wild and rude.

I let him be wild and rude and I focus on cunning. A pirate must know about cunning and before school starts I always make sure to have any test answers inside my eyepatch. I'm always playing with my eyepatch so Mrs Singleton doesn't think anything of it.

Ahoy, you swarthy bitch !!

Those are some of the things that I have to do and that's just the beginning of the day.


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