Saturday, June 25, 2005

("SEX AND THE WISDOM OF MEN" is the first installment in a trilogy of monologues about the know-how hidden away in sex, drugs n’ rock n’ roll.

Fuckin’ eh !! And that’s the fuckin’ Eh, B, C’s to you, eh.

We open on a group of aging metal heads standing around a camp fire.


Enjoy your own enlightenment n’ shit….


Shit !! That’s so fuckin’ true. My chick’d be late for her own fuckin’ funeral. Not a goddamn day goes by that I’m not being held up for one thing or another. Even if I’m fuckin’ going out on my own, she makes me late. Don’t come home too late because my mom’s coming over tomorrow and I don’t want you stinking up her face with your hung-over booze breath, blah, blah, blah… I was late getting out here ‘cause she was giving me the play by play on what’s going on over the next month. Christ, am I the president ?! Why debrief me on every fuckin’ thing that’s going on. We can just do it. I don’t need her yapping away about all the details.


Yeah but I guess she’s alright. She’s got her moments. She’s good in bed. Yeaoooooooww !! Although it does take two to tango, right ? Yeah I hold up my end of the bargain in the bedroom. There’s one simple rule that I follow. Don’t come quick. You can come but if you come quick you gotta go back and come again so why not just go the fuckin’ distance in the first place.


And all this Viagra bullshit that they ram down your throats on t.v. n’ shit. What a load of fuckin’ crap. The most surefire way of not coming is so fuckin’ simple that nobody knows it. Nobody knows it because it sounds so fuckin’ ridiculous that anybody who has the power does not want to pass it on ‘cause they’re terrified of being fuckin’ ridiculed. I know if somebody told me what I’m about to tell you I’d fuckin’ razz ‘em about it but I’m gonna tell you anyway because I don’t give a fuck what you think of me. You know we’re buddies. Yeaaaaaaaaoooooowwww.


When you’re going at it just cross your eyes when they’re closed and you will not come because crossing your eyes triggers a nerve in your testicular area which blocks the whole fuckin’ jizz mechanism.


All I ask is that you girls don’t scream out my name in gratitude when you’re bangin’ next time ‘cause it will work and you will be very fuckin’ grateful n’ shit.

Yeah put that in your crack pipe and smoke it !!


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