Wednesday, July 13, 2005

"HEAVY METAL UNCLE TRIES TO COME UP WITH A NEW BAND NAME" is a quick little conversation betweeen an uncle searching for a band name and his smart-alecky nephew. ( Oh and the Uncle is part of a heavy metal band named WHYTE RAWKE, whose award winning video will teach you a lesson about parking in Surrey.)

Today's piece of writing is based on an image that has been sent to me for humanitarian reasons. My sister is getting rid of her couch and she'd be more than happy to donate it to any theater company or film group in Vancouver that will take it off her hands. The stipulation is that the couch be credited in any production as Marky-Marcel. So anyway here's her couch, me and my nephew.
Remember she's giving away the couch not the dog, me or my nephew. This is not that kind of site. You can email her at

Now this does not represent a new trend or anything at Fast Fictions. I'm simply doing this as a favour for my sister. I'm putting up an image of her couch and I'm making up a little piece of writing inspired by it. If you have a futon to get off your hands or a lost child that you're looking for do not send me pictures. I don't want to have to make up fictitious stories based on the smiling photos of lost children. Please don't make me do that. This is not that kind of site.

Drop by tomorrow for an blissfully bizarre illustration from the very talented Daniel Chang.
For now, enjoy today's story...


How about "Radical Undertow" ?

Sounds like Tool doing surf songs. Fire and water, man. Does not jive.

How about "Skin Cave"?

Creepy. I mean unless you want serial killers wearing your band's t-shirts on the six o'clock news.

"Screaming Death" ?

"Whispering Life ?"

Okay, okay how about "The Fangs of a Dog" ?

Well if you're just gonna base names on what's in front of you why not "Wall in Front of My Face" ?

How about "Kings of Fury"?

Oh would you like me to get you your pink sceptor, your royal wankerness ?

How about "The Band that Was Too Killer for a Name ?"

How about "Thowing in a Towel that Sucked in the first place" ?

Are you saying you don't like Whyte Rawke ?

All I'm saying is that ten years from now when you're still unemployed and I'm gainfully employed and your band is still playing gigs for cheap beer, you can't crash on my couch for open-ended periods of time. Oh here comes my mom with that new digital camera of hers. Smile.


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