GROOM YOUR GUMS IF YOU WANT TO BE AN ASTRONAUT
"The only way to get under my late husband's skin was with a knife," she said through her crooked and yellowed front teeth. "But then again he was a stone so I don't know what kind of knife you'd use." And with this conclusion, she laughed up a couple balls of phlegm yellower than her teeth.
"Michael are you going to bed now or what," she suddenly hollered out in the direction of a closed door with a "CAUTION ALIENS CROSSING" sign duct-taped to it. "My son, now there's another story. You know the saying a fool born every minute ? Well he was born on one of those minutes. Oh Christ, I'm surprised he's made it through life as long as he has. The witless wonder, I call him."
The Aliens Crossing door opened as Michael peered out: "Can't I stay up just a little more ?"
"No ! And don't forget to brush your little pearlies. What happens if you don't brush your perlies ?"
"I won't be able to be an astronaut if I don't have white teeth," he said, reciting his mother's long ago advice. Behind him in his room was a optimistically colorful picture of a child brushing his teeth in a space-ship.
She made a knowing wink at her guest, implying that this was evidence of her son's frail mind.
Truth be told, he wasn't the sharpest sword in the armory. Growing up on dreams of becoming an astronaut, he spent most of his life brushing and flossing his teeth. Every year he sent Nasa his dental records. The truth about his mother was that she had been shagged by aliens who were lured by something they cherished in the yellow of her teeth. Aliens only meddled with people who suffered from extreme yellow teeth.
And his life was overlooked by those above who were disinterested in his pearly whites.